YpsiGirl's Happy 1/2 Hour Show

Airs on Comcast Ch 17 Courtesy of Ann Arbor Community Television Network CTN. To replay our shows call the station and just ask... 734.794.6150

Come in Suckers, leave your wallet on the Bar!

Take the Inmates Version of the G.E.D. test.




I can't name any names, but I recently received something and was asked to post it anonymously here on my blog.

A secret GED Equivalents Test created by the inmates over at the Federal Prison Camp in Florence. They think that my diminutive readers will get an absolute kick out of this. It was written by a real gang, studying for the GED test in prison. Enjoy!


BUREAU OF PRISONS FPC FLORENCE GED EQUIVALENTS TEST
Name:_______________ Gang:________________

1. Jonny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attend before he has to reload?

2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine, and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320, and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?

3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65. for each trick, how many tricks will each have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?

4. Jarome wants to cut his 1 oz pound of heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?

5. Willis gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a 4X4. If he has stolen 2 BMW's and 3 4X4's, how many Chevy's will he have to steal to make $800.?

6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will be left when he get's out of prison, and how many years will he get for killing the bitch that spent his money?

7. If the average spray can covers 22 square feet, and the average letter is 8 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?

8. Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?


Your answers to these inmate GED questions can be added as a comment here. They would surly appreciate your feed back.

Rock out your LoVe at: The Rocket!





Even though I am quite jaded about romance and the whole lovey dovey crapola, I have decided to take the plunge this year and invite my inner cupid to visit my freaky cohort.

So on my search for extremely cheap and creative ways to celebrate this lover’s holiday I first went on a field trip to Ypsilanti's "The Rocket".

The shop is located right in the heart of downtown Ypsilanti on Michigan Ave.

The front window this month is decked out in shiny red hues and filled with alternative budget conscious novelties geared to Valentine’s Day.

Ya... this is so my kind of local independent shop. Any place that can sport sculls and cross bones and love and romance in one delicious window display has my attention!

As soon as my baby girl and I walked in to The Rocket it felt like we just won the golden ticket into Willy Wonkas factory.

We were welcomed by an assortment of wrapped and unwrapped bulk candy that covered the entire wall on the right. My baby was in heaven as she inspected all the bins... every kind of gummy bear’s imaginable, chocolates, jaw breakers, all sorts of pez dispensers, wax candy soda pops, and to top it off, a beautiful rainbow of every variety of jelly bellies’s blanketed the wall.

I was hypnotized by all the cool religious,tinker bell, zombie and pirate action figures, and especially the Betty Boop, Marylin Monro, and Elvis Novelties.

The retro kitchen and bathroom accessories totally made me envious of anyone who happens to have a place of their own to decorate!

In addition to candy, I found some seriously great novelties under $5.00 for my love.

Such as:

Adorable rubber heart love rats-

And for the serious breakfast in bed surprise you can create some love eggs with a super cheap heart egg shaper and Stamp some lovin on toast with the “I Love You Toast Stamper”-


Prepare yourself to spend a half hour or so investigating the four rooms filled with retro, vintage, hard to find, unique Ypsi attire, toys, games, bar and tiki paraphernalia, cool ass jewelry, bags, purses- all that scream Rebel- Cool ass chick- Character- and style for the chickie who likes to stand out period!

Also… they have online promo coupons you can print and redeem this month to further support your budget and love big time!

You can take advantage of 20% off any one purchase-

10% off your entire purchase-

30% off your entire bulk candy purchse.

If you don’t live near Ypsilanti, that is ok too… they have an online ordering section over at their site:

http://www.therocketypsi.com

They are located at:
103 W. Michigan Ave at the corner of Michigan Ave and Huron Street.

Dinner & Revenge at DaLat: Vietnamese Restaurant Down Town Yps



Dinner and Revenge: A dish best served cold in Ypsi.

The first time I visited DaLat was back in the 90’s, I recall having some hot and spicy conversations with my coolest and strikingly attractive lesbian girlfriend, Sam, over shrimp spring rolls and freshly squeezed lemonade. Everyone should have a friend like Sam in their 20’s- she is the one who held my hand and introduced me to my now fave foods like Sushi, Middle Eastern Foods, and of course Vietnamese.

Last night I had a date there with my best friend of like 18 years, who was also my maid of honor. It has been almost a year since we have spoken to each other.
Our friendship is the kind that we may not speak to each other for months, or sometimes even years, but when tragedy strikes we know for certain who to call for unconditional love, support and compassion.

She was my strongest ally when I found my creepy husband placing personal ads online.
And she was there in a heartbeat when the dirt bag beat me up over confronting him on yet, more crap posted online months later.

She was there for me, 2 years ago when I was at the hospital getting x-rays and being interviewed by a domestic violence counselor.

So it was at DaLat that we recapped the past year over low cal shrimp spring rolls at a $1.25 each and the most appetizing almond sauce (no extra charge) I have ever tasted- I so wanted to just pick up the bowl and drink it.

But my current weight-loss regimen specifically says I can’t do stuff like that.
Instead, I used a fork and dipped as Mz.Fit and I discussed revenge.

My mouth exploded with each bite, as I listened to her list of peeps in need of some serious non-physical revenge. The flavors were fresh, crisp, and delightfully bland-except for the almond sauce- the secret sauce that will make anything taste better.
Speaking of secrets, when my main dish arrived, number 66 or if you’re fluent in Vietnamese, you would call it Canh chua chay I realized just how disappointed I was in my best friend’s husband and her so called mutual friends. But the dish was priced just right, $7.00 and enough for 2 meals!

After taking a deep breath of excitement over the presentation of my dish, I lifted my bowl to inhale the spicy hot and sour soup.

Ahh, my nose thanked me as it caught the main seasoning- fresh garlic. I swear to god, for a moment my body was in a trance overlooking the dinner bowl filled with huge chunks of fried tofu, a garden of bean sprouts and chunks of tomatoes, and celery.

Quick mental note to self:

“Tanya, you sooo are going to enjoy this, eat slow, remember with each bite to count to 12 before you swallow and ask for a 2 go bowl at once.”

I sipped my unsweetened iced tea between bites while paying close attention to the glass being square and delved into all of the years my best friends' husband has been cheating on her.

Another sip of tea, I express to her how sad I was with this news; her marriage was the ideal marriage to me… They have been married for 7 rock solid years; throughout their marriage I have begged them to let me be wife #2.

The husband calls her cell phone right after I ask what was his reaction to her confronting him… he admitted it, came clean, maybe too clean for me personally.
oh great! He is on his way over to say “hi” to me.

I want desert and a drink. Have to wait on that drink as they don’t serve alcohol there. We decide on number 75 the Da vai hoac nhan. I have no idea what it is but it sounds crisp, clean and very low cal.
“Girrrl, I really don’t know how to react to him. I am going to be superficial and fake.”

She encouragingly responds, “That’s fine hun, I understand.”

The waitress delivers our desert, I am at first thinking she brought over another glass of ice water but then I see the long dessert spoon next to the glass. Mz.Fit asks for an extra spoon, and asks me what she can do to get him working harder on their marriage.

We set the glass between us and dig deep, avoiding the ice as we fish out a bite sized lychee fruit.

I was on chew count number 5 when I had to spit out a piece of ice hidden inside the cumquat like fruit into my iced tea glass.
She laughs endearingly. I tell her I have some ideas to help light a match under her dirt bag husbands' ass.

I get up to take a few snap shots of the interior for this review… I see HIM in my peripheral vision I move quickly as if I am headed to the rest room.
Tucked away in the back of the restaurant, it dawns on me that this building used to be some kind of fancy department store.

There is a long, wide, spiral stair case leading from shadows into darkness to a second floor, maybe more. I so want to investigate, but I hold back scared of having no idea who could be up there.

But now knowing the owner’s family also lives in the Restaurant, I am glad my intuition steered me against that impulse.

I turn and find the ladies room, I might want to pee for the heck of it, but both seats are way too gross and I decide I will wait and relieve myself at the dive bar instead.

Deep breath… and another… ok I’m ready to be fake now.

A few snaps of my camera on my way back to our booth…




“Hi, hello, how are you? We’re going to the bar want to come. Ok, let’s go.”

It was fast and forced but I got my girl and me outta there. Her husband would be over after he got his order. On the way up Michigan Ave I called my dear sweet, freaky cohort to meet up with us at the Tap Room.

After a few shots, a few beers, a free game of pinball and my man PRINCE singing in the background, I tell my girl and her jerk of a husband that hopefully come Thursday I will finally be divorced.


Check out their menu....it is fab, enough to take home for a midnight snack and way inexpensive:
http://www.dalatco.com/index.html

HOURS:
Monday: CLOSED
Sunday thru Thursday: 11:00 AM - 8:45 PM
Friday & Saturday: 11:00 AM - 9:30 PM
Phone: (734) 487-7600
NOTE: We stop serving the last 15 minutes which is for CARRY-OUT only.

"Girl Power" at the Elbow Room Bar in Ypsilanti!





Saving the best for last on this mission, is a place I feel most at home. The Elbow room bar is located on Washington Street, a door down from the Tap Room. What the bar lacks in physical amenities, it sure makes up for emotionally.
That is, if Nina happens to be on the clock. They open at 4:00 in the afternoon, Mon-Fri. I can walk in and watch my girl Oprah on the flat screen T.V., chat it up with my fave Ypsi Girl Bar Keep, Nina- while enjoying a total hour with no worries of creepy old ypsi men goggling at me!
It amazes me the difference in clientele from just one door down. Ahhh, I feel so darn empowered every time I walk into this girl friendly dive bar!
I sure hope Andy; the owner knows how important his barkeep is to us YpsiGirls! Nina is a true gem of a barkeep, she is the most authentic, un-egotistical and unpretentious Ypsi gal server in town. Furthermore, she is the lead singer in a band. This is the place I go to when I need some serious “girl power”! Afternoon drinking here offers up a non- threatening, uplifting escape from the real world outside.
I highly recommend Nini's favorite lip smacking shot, straight up not chilled-called American Honey; she is holding a bottle in the picture. This is the finest whiskey I have tried to date! If you love me papapa pretty please think about wrapping up a bottle for my birthday this July!
This is the only bar in town where the ratio is more female than male, but ONLY before sunset. Still, I feel camaraderie here. I feel accepted, grounded, and even forget I have boobs here. There is no sight of any Ego’s residing at the Elbow Room in the afternoon. But, I do have to make this one point clear: Ego’s come out later, as the boys start to arrive. In spite of that, even the boys are more pleasant here over the Ypsi male species at the Tap Room.
Guess what? Whoopee, Gay Night is coming to the Elbow Room Bar. The first and only gay, lesbian and anything in between weekly GALA premiers Tuesday, May 26, 2009 promptly at 9:00 pm! $5.00 cover charge!
Conclusion:
GREAT WIFI.
Ambiance: Dark, Red, Alternative. HOME!
Prices: Fabulously inexpensive.
Service: I want to take the barkeep home with me. That good! 5 star service!
Smoking: Yuppers, even cloves.  Just the peeps and staff!
Flask: In the bathroom.

The Elbow Room
6 S Washington St
Ypsilanti, MI 48197
(734) 483-6374

The Eagle has landed: Screaming Eagle Bar- Ypsilanti



Next on our list in search of the perfect virtual office was the Screaming Eagle.
This is a true hidden, local joint still in the infant stage, four months old. It’s Located on West Cross Street, somewhere between the Tower Inn and Toms party store. Sherrie- a hot young bar keep you don't want to f$#!k with, greeted us with a smile.
This bar is soon to be a local flavor I for sure will frequent on a regular basis, as soon as they get the WIFI up. The Bonus here: Jesse and I could each have our very own beer. $1.50 bud lights, a pint baby!
They also have a hidden patio garden in the back! What a fantastic virtual office, to my boss, thank you, thank you, thank you for such a cool ass assignment!!!
Don is still setting up this gem of a local dive bar. Payment is cash only for the time being as he is still finalizing the ownership.
Screaming Eagle opens at 11:00 am, this YpsiGirl will for sure be back.

Finally, there is an establishment in Ypsi baby, where I can watch The View, drink $1.50 bud lights and conduct my business.
For lunch, you can have Sherrie cook up some traditional bar flavors such as mini tacos, cheese steak hoagies, Philly cheese steak hoagies... or Sherrie’s favorite dish- the wings, baby! They are as HOT as she is!
Oh, guess what else? Don is planning on knocking down the wall and expanding this delicious dive where the old adult magazine shop once operated! How cool is that.


Screaming Eagle
517 W Cross St
Ypsilanti, MI 48197
(734) 879-1574

Those Wise Guys at the Tower Inn Cafe: Ypsilanti

Our next assignment led us to those Wise Guys at the Tower Inn Cafe.

Jesse and I sat outside and shared a pint of Oberon for $3.00 served with free bread. We took in the beautiful Ypsilanti weather, while witnessing a spectacular display from our server Matthew T, as he lit the Saganaki on fire at our table.



Since Jesse and I are dieting but happen to love pizza, we only indulge if you can purchase it by the slice. No such luck here. Instead we ordered a Cajun Chicken Caesar Salad, for $7.99. Jesse being vegetarian offered me his bird pieces.


I could have sipped the Caesar dressing with a straw, it was that good! As for the Croutons... I had to ask Matt ever so politely if they were stale. Nope, they are made fresh, texture by design. So, they are supposed to be mushy and soft on the pallet. I forgive them for this. Why? Because silly, they order their bread from a local family owned operation that happens to have my maiden name plastered on their bakery truck!

As for the Cajon chicken, it would have been tastier if served above room temperature.

Conclusion:

GREAT WIFI, secret pass word is the flaming cheese name.

Ambiance: Across from Eastern Michigan University, beautiful.

Prices: Not that bad.

Friendly Service: Absolutely, especially if you get Matt, he is the first waiter I have ever met with no ego in sight. 5 star service!

Smoking: Yuppers.

Flask: hehe, “hick”-yup.

Tower Inn Cafe
701 W Cross St
Ypsilanti, MI 48197
(734) 487-2650
Get directions

Ypsilanti's ONLY Martini Bar: Key Stone Underground.



The next assignment on this dream mission was across the street from the Tap Room. A new restaurant, J. Neil's Mongolian BBQ- has set up shop in Ypsilanti's old Kresge building.


Once Upon a time in the present, YpsiGirl discovered a hopping smoke free upscale restaurant, in beautiful downtown Ypsilanti!

Stairs to the right of you lead down to the basement, my dream for a Martini Bar in Ypsilanti has come true. An underground venue has been launched:

A Martini Bar, called Key Stone Underground.

Key Stone opened for business maybe a day prior to our visit. I think the stairs are actually the portal to another dimension. You will find yourself exclaiming:

“Were not in Ypsilanti anymore, Toto.”

In addition to us being the only customers there that day, they also didn’t have any specials. But they do have Crystal, my version of the modern day Good Witch of the East. She is a hot, rockin upscale punky kind of Ypsi barkeep gal.

The cheapest drink is $9.00

Sadly I could only afford one to share with Jesse. I ordered Crystal’s recommendation, the 007 Martini... one part absolute, one part blue Curaco with a twist of lime.

The Martini was as striking as Crystal.

Sadly, I don’t think I or many other Ypsi peeps on a budget will make Key Stone Underground apart of our local stomping grounds, only because of the high prices.


However, if you’re on the hunt for an adventure in search of Ypsi class, you won’t be disappointed with Keystone’s ambiance; which includes an enormous collection of Art by Ypsilanti artist, owner of What Is That Art Gallery: David Austin.

Oh, I almost forgot the glowing neon center pieces decorating the bar. Dazzling glass jugs filled with vodka infused fruit. A stunning display and probably lip smacking, but I won’t know for sure unless someone from Ann Arbor or Canton buys me a drink here.

Conclusion:

GREAT WIFI

Ambiance: For sure bring mom!

Price: If you make $9.00 an hour at your job, forget it.

Friendly Service: Absolutely.

Smoking: Nope, just the staff.

Flask: The only way I could afford to pay them a visit in the future.


Key Stone Underground

200 W. Michigan Ave.

734-544-9960.

Wednesday-Saturday, 4 p.m.-2 a.m.

www.jneilsmongolian.com

The Tap Room


The Tap Room was crowded on Thursday during Happy Hour for this assignment.

They offer outdoor seating facing South Washington, the only venue downtown to do so. Drinking outside here would scare the heck out of my mom. Mainly because on this side of the street you really get an up close and personal look at the local panhandlers and alcoholics walking to and from the corner liquor store. Personally, I can handle this kind of peep watching.

As Jesse and I sat down, I overheard a conversation next to me. An entrepreneur explained to his guest's why the cutie-pie barkeep was bitchy today.

“Brian is to damn cheep to pay $2.75 an hour for a third waitress.”

Well, this is sure not the first time I have heard this about Mr. Brickly, the owner- who also believes that the days of paying bands a couple hundred to play at local bars are dead.

Side note: Papapa pretty pleeze, when you see the tip jar floating around inside drop them some love. Brian sure won’t!

With only two waitresses and the bar packed during Happy Hour, as you can see here:

This is what you need to know...

Expect slow and annoyed service. If dining outside, you must go into the bar for service. I haven't seen a waitress serve outside yet. Also, plan on waiting about 10 minutes for your drinks and another 10 minutes to pay up. (If I were you I would kill two birds with one stone, get it all over at once.)

This is no big deal for me as I am well aware of this fact, which is why I also recommend to:

B.Y.O.F. For the Tap Room. i.e.:

Bring Your Own Flask

Conclusion: GREAT WIFI Service!

Ambiance: I wouldn’t bring mom.

Prices: They are Alright.

Friendly Service: That all depends.

Smoking: Yes, thank you.

Flask: You will need it!

The Tap Room 201 W Michigan Ave
Ypsilanti, MI 48197
(734) 482-5320 http://www.taproomypsi.com